so today was a good day. but when i reflect back on everything, i suck at everything. my grades are terrible, and i feel like i just can't keep them up. i'll get good grades, but my grade just drops so much. i feel like i don't learn anything, and i can't understand anything. i hate when people are like i got a b+ i'm so mad, but like to me i'd be so proud of myself. but im never proud of myself, my grades keep me down and stress me out. i hate hearing people say "god i have a 3.87, i could do so much better." It just makes me get down on myself, and feel so dissapointed in myself for sucking at life, and at school. i can't do anything right. my parents like hate me, and don't trust me at all. i can barely do anything. while everyones out having fun, im at home doing nothing. i just wish life was just so easy. i just don't want to grow up. my dad tells me i'm growing up way too fast, but i'm still stuck in middle school. boy do i miss middle school, where life was easy and you worried about nothing. everyone was friends, everyone got along, there was no boy drama, because half of us didn't have boyfriends or girlfriends, we just hung out with everyone. highschool changed everyone, and i wish i never came to this damn school. I lost some of my best friends, that i thought would be with me till i was married. you know when your little and you talk about like how their gonna be in your wedding, but that first day in highschool totally took away your friendships. its a fact of life, friends aren't forever, they change, you change, and within a second your entering a new life, that you never thought would happen. i barely talk to any of my old friends. it sucks. i miss summer, i miss having a life. maybe summer would help me out a little. you know i miss the 8 muskateers, and hanging out with them day till night everyday. i miss tdb and natalie and kaley and amanda. sometimes i just wanna cry knowing that those we're the best days of my life, and it's gone with a blink of an eye. i miss just being with my old friends. some people i don't even like look at anymore, it's really sad. it's like they act so much better than you, because their in highschool. i wish you never grew up, because you have to accept so much responsability that you can barely handle. I mean my parents are already talking about college, and i'm only like what fifteen. god it's sad. i'm scared about college, where i'm gonna go, if i'm even gonna get accepted with the shitty grades i have. i just wish i was a 4.0 stupid, perfect life, nothing went wrong, my parents actually liked me and trusted me. yeah i fucked up over the summer, all that shit i shouldn't have done. But in that split second, you say hey that was so funny, i'm gonna remember it for life. Yeah it's gonna stick with you for your whole life. but it's gonna screw you up in the long run. I wish relationships were so fun, and not as serious. I miss 8th grade so much. today i picked my brother up from his little dance thingy, and at the time i thuoght they were so gay, and i wanted to be a "cool" highschooler, but now that i'm there i want to go back. I just remember walking down the hallways in 8th grade, not worrying abuot anything or anyone. or my grades for that matter. I always told myself i'll buckle down in highschool, but i didn't. I still got 2 more years, but they go by so fast, i don't know what i'm gonna do. i just suck, and it's sad thinking about it. i think way too much, i get down way to easily, i'm so emotional about everything. goddd urgh.
i hate looking at peoples livejournals and seeing like 20 comments, i get like 8 as my maximum. urgh. i'm just gonna give up.
layout teaching.....? i even suck at an effing livejournal. i'm horrible.
( to mikeCollapse )